The Brits are sending Santa to Boot Camp. Apparently jolly ol' Saint Nick is setting a bad example for the children by carrying around that extra weight. Santa's in some British malls are required to slim down in order to stay on the job.
Next thing you know Santa will have to shave his beard because it promotes homelessness. Or he'll have to stop wearing so much red because it offends those you don't see colors well. Or instead of cookies and milk, you must leave Santa bottled water and a granola bar. Or Santa will have to buy carbon offsets for his factories on the North Pole, assuming the Russians haven't already nationalized his factories.